Kandahar

Historically, I haven’t been great about catching new releases. Sure, I saw thirty-nine 2022* releases in 2022, which is probably more than most people. But most people also aren’t watching well over two hundred films in a single year. So this year, I’ve made it a goal to see a bunch more, for many reasons: to better balance my media diet; to enable my participation in “the discourse”; and to support a movie column. By the strictest definition, I’m up to thirty-three already on the year, so pretty good.

The result, of course, is that I’ve watched a bunch of movies I otherwise would have skipped. Some have been wonderful surprises: Cocaine Bear and Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. come to mind. But in most cases, if the trailer didn’t appeal to me, then the movie was a dud (at least to my taste). No matter; there’s a lot to be learned about the state of the movie business and theatergoers from such films, and it’s interesting to really dig into why I don’t think they worked. It also forces me to think about the pieces that did, even when they’re surrounded by missteps.

I’m fortunate to be within a short drive of a bunch of theaters, one of which is a Regal, so I’ve gone to a few of their Mystery Movies. Sisu made sense to me as a mystery film; a batshit, intense, over the top film that most people wouldn’t have gone to see but would walk out glad they did. You want to try to build word of mouth buzz for that kind of film. Hypnotic is more confusing: it was directed by a pretty well-known and well-liked guy, and was getting a bit of anticipatory buzz, so it may have been a draw. Then again, the opening weekend box office is a counterpoint: less than $2.5 million against a budget of about $65 million. So maybe they were just trying to juice the numbers as they dumped it, given that it sucks.

Kandahar was the most recent one, and it makes a ton of sense as a Mystery Movie. Because no one’s heard of it, the director isn’t notable, and the movie is a piece of crap. Which is to say this is the only way any significant number of people will see it. And given it’s been called “big budget”, that doesn’t bode well for its performance.

Kandahar finds Tom Harris (Gerard Butler) in present-day Iran performing an “internet installation”, which allows the CIA to destroy Iran’s nuclear centrifuges. Swearing revenge, the Iranian government sends special agent Farzad Asadi (Bahador Foladi) after him. Which cascades into interest from local warlords and Kahil (Ali Fazal), a Pakistani operative, all of whom want to beat the Iranians so they can offer him up to the highest bidder. Still in the area to carry out another mission, Tom and his translator Mo (Navid Negahban) must race to Kandahar where British Intelligence is sending a plane to extract him.

And boy oh boy does that description not do justice to how convoluted this plot gets. It starts out as a spy thriller, which had me on board. But it fairly quickly decides to shift into action/chase movie, without dropping the spy stuff. While those two styles often mix, almost none of the messy geopolitics at play end up mattering here. We’re constantly witnessing conversations between operatives and handlers, but why? Once Ton’s sabotage is discovered, all we need to see is initial orders to establish motivation for chasing him down. The further contact muddies the waters in what is an incredibly straightforward plot. The use of Langley is even worse. Early on, it’s established they can’t intervene, but they can advise. Which they proceed to not do. And save for one key deus ex machina moment, they’re just impotently commenting on what they’re watching via satellite.

What they’re watching is some pretty uninspired action. Nothing feels particularly fresh or inventive. There’s one notably cool scene involving a helicopter battle at night with night vision goggles, but that’s all. Vehicles screaming across the desert, sometimes in a small village or market, and a few explosions and gun battles make all the violence feel incredibly distant and sterile while also being over the top. It does make for a feel that Tom and Mo are in constant danger and cannot afford to stop for even a second, but that also means there’s no time for real character beats. The one they try to land, that Mo’s son was killed in a raid on their home of Herat, feels like an afterthought attempting to add emotion to a cold film. So of course, when that beat comes full circle, it falls pretty flat and is completely meaningless, both for the plot and the character.

As for the setting, that’s where the movie gets itself into even more trouble. Not because it’s Iran and Afghanistan; it’s quite believable there would be such direct military operation on their border due to US intervention over the past 30+ years. But because of how it portrays the area, which is as these movies always do; backwards, brutal, warn torn villages surrounded by immense desert. There are even some lines of dialog which imply Afghanistan hasn’t changed since the US pulled out (despite the real-world similarity to Stuxnet and Israel’s attacks on Iran’s nuclear capabilities, it’s post withdrawal). And look, I get this isn’t entirely fanciful; both countries have large swaths of desert, and deal with local warlords. But the constant portrayal in Western media of them as these breeding grounds for evil contribute to the dehumanization of Middle Eastern people in the West. It leads to a patronizing view which makes things like “bringing democracy” seem like a good idea, and justifies all sorts of things in the name of “saving the people”. The people and their culture are flattened to caricature and stereotype. One of the most individually egregious examples is when we see a child wiring up an IED in the road in the name of the Taliban. Again, something whose purpose in the movie simply seems to be playing off of damaging stereotypes.

The movie makes a few feints at saying something, but never commits to them. I don’t know if they thought they were making a point, or if it just was obligatory lip service, but either way, the acknowledgement that much of this is due to meddling from outside powers doesn’t really land. Especially since one of the groups hunting Tom seems to be affiliated with the Iranian government. It’s further diluted by one of the Langley officials lamenting that they have to consider the rule of law by sarcastically saying, “And they wonder why we can’t win.” There’s also some notion of having something or someone to fight for which feels even more tacked on. None of it works.

The movie takes itself way too seriously to make for cheesy fun, and lacks anything to really keep you interested. If you’re looking for a better action flick starring Gerard Butler from 2023, go watch Plane. Although if you want a good action movie, maybe skip both.

* According to Letterboxd release dates. But release dates get messy. Many films play at a festival in the year before wide release, or have a one-night premier months before. Some films from other countries never get a proper US release date, and just show up on streaming (or at an indie theater) at some point. For example, Cyrano is marked as a 2021 release, despite not hitting theaters until February 2022. So thirty-nine is probably an undercount compared to popular definition.