Mafia Mamma

Normally, I like opening these with a bit musing about the genre or premise or related topic and my connection to it. But in all honesty, I’m not super well versed in mafia movies. Gangster films, sure. And I’ve seen The Godfather and The Departed, as well as some gangster comedies like Analyze This, Analyze That, and Death to Smoochy. But it’s just not a genre I have a strong feeling about, as much as I enjoy the movies I mentioned above (and more). So let’s just dive right in.

In Mafia Mamma, we find Kristin (Toni Collette) in the middle of an upheaval. Her son just left for college, her co-workers have zero respect for her (or women in general), and she just walked in on her husband (Tim Daish) having sex with his bandmate in their basement. So when she gets a call that her the grandfather she never met has passed, her friend Jenny (Sophia Nomvete) has little trouble convincing her to get away to Italy for a few weeks of “Eat, Pray, Fuck”. Now, what was it her grandfather did again? Ran a winery? So the people who shot up the funeral were rival…vintners? This could get complicated…

Based on the poster alone, you already know just about everything that happens in this movie. It’s got no tricks up its sleeve, no bigger message, no interesting ideas. It’s just “wouldn’t it be wacky if a horny, middle-aged woman from the States who’s never been out of the country was picked to head an Italian crime family?!” Her being picked makes absolutely no sense for a ton of reasons, and she instantly rejects the idea. For some reason, though, the family is all cool with it and insists on following her grandfather’s wishes, with the exception of Fabrizio (Eduardo Scarpetta). Especially Bianca (Monica Bellucci), who serves as Kristin’s guide to the plot, and by extension our own.

In that role, her general incompetence and cluelessness somehow work for her. And not because she has some crazy, out of the box ideas that only someone not of this world could come up with. No, in the slapstick sense of she’s just very stupid, but it works out, because the movie says so. For example, in her first meeting with the rival Don, she throws herself at this handsome Italian man who has every reason to want her dead, and only doesn’t end up so because she doesn’t know if she like Limoncello. That’s the level of humor we’re working with here. Not only that, but the outcome of the scene is so heavily telegraphed, so obvious, and not just from the setup. They clearly show you how the mix-up that saves her is going to happen, and even that it happened, and yet still act as if we didn’t know. It’s insulting to its audience.

Very few of the jokes land, as they never go for more than the absolute most obvious joke. She’s constantly babbling because she’s nervous and has no idea what she’s doing. They’re all incensed she’s never seen The Godfather. Fabrizio, the hard-edged killer of the family, gains respect for her after she accidentally kills two people. Her bodyguards are kinda goofy. They make a joke out of one of them knowing the book “Eat, Pray, Love”, because why would an Italian mafioso like that book?!?! And the other one really likes food. Because he’s a bigger guy! GET IT??? 🙄 🙄 🙄

Which helps to highlight just how much this movie is drowning in tropes and Italian stereotypes. It’s just everything you’ve ever seen in a mob comedy movie, but much, much stupider.

Speaking of tropes, we’ve got the sassy black friend trope here. On the one hand, ugh. On the other, she does provide a couple good moments in the film. Back on the first hand, she also provides some of the most try-hard and dumb parts. Listen, not every comedy needs a Zach Galifianakis. Not even every Zach Galifianakis movie needs a Zach Galifianakis.

And I cannot believe that in a lighthearted comedy in 2023 we’re still doing rape jokes. And let’s be clear; by “joke”, I mean a rival hitman threatens to rape her at gunpoint. Played for laughs! What?! Are we freaking serious? It leads to a brutal scene of her drilling a stiletto into the hitman’s balls, and then gouging out his eyes, which is quite cathartic, sure. But god damn, I thought we’d left that behind as a culture.

The only good part about this movie is Monica Bellucci. Something about her character really hits for me. Maybe it’s because she’s the only one who (mostly) doesn’t feel like a ridiculous stereotype. Probably also because we open the movie focused on her, and her calm, cool, and collected demeanor provides a stark contrast to Kristin’s manic, desperate energy.

There’s just no original bone in this movie’s body. I’ve left out a bunch of other predictable plot points which constitute spoilers, but you’ll know them as soon as their setup appears on screen. Even cliches you think the setting precludes are shoehorned in.

Which is a damn shame. I really wanted something fresh. And I was hopeful, because mafia comedy is a pretty well-worn genre, and general gangster comedy even more so. So if you’re making a new one, I’d hope it’s because you had some…at least different ideas, if not good ones. But turns out, no. I guess that’s what you get from two first-time feature film writers, and the director of Twilight.

Do yourself a huge favor and skip it.